Skin-Deep
by thisloser
Summary: Believe in everything but fate. AU
1. Chapter 1

As a child he didn't even notice it all that much, that stretch of skin, slightly raised like goose bumps. He'd assumed everyone had it, that it was perfectly normal.

But then summer came, and with the summer came the heat, sweltering days spent at the lake, his papa teaching him to swim. It was then that he saw the other boys, really saw them for the first time, and realized that there wasn't a single one among them who had a mark like he did.

* * *

_Papa, what is that thing on my chest?_

_It's a seal, a leftover from something that happened a long time ago. Don't worry about it, Gai._

_But why do I have that?_

_Because every Maito has one. Look, papa's got one too, right here!_

_What does it do?_

_It doesn't do anything anymore._

_Then what is it for?_

_I told you, it's not for anything anymore._

_Papa!_

_Now don't make that face…_

_Tell me, Papa!_

_Well… okay… Hmm… Many, many, many years ago when your great-great-great-great-grandfather was still a little boy just like you are now –_

_I'm not little!_

_Haha, you're right! He was a big boy, just like you! Anyway, at that time shinobi lived in clans – that's big families—_

_I already knew that! When does the story start?_

_It won't start at all if you don't stop interrupting all the time, Gai._

_I'm sorry, Papa, pleeeease I really want to hear it._

_Okay, so where was I? Ah, yes, clans. They travelled all over the world and sometimes they would get into fights with other clans. That's what happened to our clan. They fought a much bigger, stronger one and they were defeated. But instead of killing everyone, the head of the other clan had an idea. He used an incredibly powerful sealing jutsu on the survivors that gave his clan control over their chakra system. From then on, your great-great-great-great-grandfather and his family had to live with that clan and work for them. They weren't allowed to have any possessions, everything they'd owned they had to give to the other clan, they couldn't go anywhere without permission and they had no say in clan decisions. They were forced to live like slaves._

_That's horrible!_

_Yes. And it went on for many years, but then, by the time your great-great-great-great-grandfather had become an old man, something had changed. You see, his children had grown up along with the children of the clan and while marriages between members of the two clans were strictly forbidden, friendships and love still bloomed despite the rules, and so when the granddaughter of the man who'd invented and used the terrible sealing jutsu became head of the clan, she decided to abolish the rules. Because there was no way for her to undo the juinjutsu as it was far too powerful -so powerful in fact that it carried over generations without having to be renewed, never even fading- she decided to destroy every piece of information regarding its use. She even told her people that using the seal was a crime punishable by death and that everyone who knew about the juinjutsu was to take the knowledge to their grave. And you know why she did that? Because she'd grown up with this other girl, you see, a girl who'd carried her pack when she was tired; a girl who'd brushed her hair every morning; a girl who'd held her when she cried, who'd kept all her secrets. That girl was her best friend, so she wanted her to be free._

_Then what happened? _

_That's it. The head of the clan let the Maito clan go and sooner or later everyone forgot about the seal. _

_That's it? But… that can't be all! What happened to that other clan?_

_It lost some of its power and after a few more generations it was integrated into one of the newly founded hidden villages._

_Which one?_

_Well, actually… it was Konoha._

_So they're here?! The guys who beat us and stuff?!_

_Gai, that was centuries ago! Plus, they let us go, remember? For most other clans being defeated was the end; everyone was usually killed. If you think about it that way, what they did wasn't all that bad…_

_What was the clan's name? You haven't told me yet! And what happened to the head of the clan and her friend? _

_Hey, it's way past your bedtime already! Look, I'll tell you the rest tomorrow, okay?_

* * *

Gai had been ten years old when he'd found out that the light blue symbol shimmering through the skin over his heart like a strange, malformed and misplaced vein belonged to the Hatake clan.

He'd run home from the funeral, his heart pounding furiously in his chest, rain pelting him even as his father chased after him with an umbrella.

* * *

_It doesn't mean anything anymore, Gai. Kakashi-kun has no idea. Even Sakumo-san didn't know. And if he had, we'd have laughed about it and that would have been it._

_Why didn't you tell me?_

_It's not important, Gai. The past doesn't decide who we are._

…_He beat me. Every time. I can't defeat him. We never could beat them, right? Is that… Is that _thing… _Is that why we can't use ninjutsu or genjutsu?_

…

_Tell me, father!_

_Gai… now's not the time. _

…

_Don't blame Kakashi-kun. He needs your support now more than ever._

_He doesn't want me to be his friend. He doesn't even want to be my rival! He thinks he's better than me!_

* * *

_And he is._ Gai'd thought it back then, he'd thought of Ebisu talking endlessly about family trees and clans and bloodline limits and how they defined a shinobi's life, how you could tell who'd be legendary and who wouldn't, sometimes even before they were born.

"_Every Sarutobi is Hokage-material, that's a fact."_

That voice had been in his head and pushing against the inside of his eyeballs was a picture of Tettsui-sensei retying his hitai-ate over the mark on his forehead.

"_As a Hyuuga I know exactly where my place is. For better or worse."_

Gai, however, had balled his fists and squared his shoulders. He'd thrown himself against the tide. _Fate._ He'd bite off his tongue before he'd say the word.

He'd beat Kakashi, and when he did, the mark would fade.

Gai was sure of it.

* * *

A.N.: New thing, soulbond-y kind of shit. Inspired by a naruto_meme prompt I really hated, hence I'm anti-filling it here. I'm not sure about this yet. Might not go anywhere. I'm only going to do this as long as it's at least vaguely fun for me.


	2. Chapter 2

On the morning of his twentieth birthday, Kakashi was called into the Third's office. He was not surprised to be summoned. Anbu captains like him frequently were. So he went the way he always did, _leisurely_, nose buried in a book of porn, and showed up a good fifteen minutes too late.

* * *

_Kakashi, I have something for you._

_Sandaime-sama?_

_Your father entrusted me with this. He wanted me to give it to you on the occasion of your twentieth birthday._

_My father…?_

_It was a long time ago and, believe me, I must have been as surprised then as you are now. These are records of your clan. Most clans have them, and all clans that do keep them locked away, accessible only to members of their clan. I have not read them, Kakashi. As you know, I give the clans in our village a certain amount of freedom. As long as I know I can trust them to have Konoha's best interest at heart, I don't interfere with their politics. Anyway, you father wanted you to have them, so here you are, and congratulations._

_Thank you, Sandaime-sama._

* * *

Kakashi left the office with a strange feeling in the pit of his stomach and a light package in his hands. His father… When was the last time he'd really thought about his dad? To his own surprise and chagrin, Kakashi couldn't even remember that much. His thoughts would skirt his father, sidestep him like a puddle. Once this had been because of the anger he'd felt, but now, since Obito, Rin and Minato-sensei, Kakashi had changed. At least he'd thought he'd changed.

* * *

At home, Kakashi sat down on his bed and opened the thin cloth wrapping. A bundle of loose sheets of paper, yellowed and creased and tied together with ancient string, waited inside. He undid the string and marveled at the gentle ripple of chakra he felt as the pages slid into his lap. It felt familiar and warm, reminding him of his dad, the good days when they'd be in the garden, his father's hands on his wrists, guiding his swings of the wooden practice katana.

_Why now, Dad?_

Kakashi picked up the uppermost piece of paper and studied it. Thin blue lines like tiny capillaries were woven into material that under natural circumstances would have long since turned to dust.

Clearly, a jutsu had been put into place to preserve the documents in their current state. Impressive, intricate work. Kakashi wondered if his father had added his own chakra to the delicate network, whether he was expected to do the same so his children would someday be able to read these ancient words and trace the chakra of previous generations with their fingertips.

His own children…

Kakashi wasn't sure he was ready to think about that quite yet.

Slightly unnerved, he trained his eye onto the first line of writing and started to read.

* * *

**My name is Hatake Anzanshi, I am in the thirty-third year of my life and head of the Hatake clan.**

**This is my story; it is to be entrusted to whoever will be leading our clan in the future. In doing this I am breaking my oath, but I [scratched out] **

**I have to believe in the future, in my children and my children's children.**

**May they make wiser decisions than their parents.**

* * *

**I was born during the ninth month of the first year of Samu. After my grandfather's death the previous year, leadership had been passed on to his eldest son, my father. As such I was the next in line, the future head of the clan. **

**My memories of my mother are faint for she died when I was still a toddler. I remember my wet nurse, though, her strong, tanned arms and the little girl who'd been at her breast until I came along, effectively stealing her mother away from her. Yes, I remember that girl. The many things I took from her I will never forget.**

**Yaga was the little girl's name. She was nine months older than me and at the time I didn't know anything about her except that she was always right by my side. She was my friend and playmate, the sibling I never had. We used to sleep on the same mat. In the mornings we'd wake up with strands of each other's hair in our mouths. We didn't mind, just giggled and curled up even more tightly. **

**It wasn't until I was older that I was to learn the difference between me and her. **

**As the future head of the clan I was untouchable; I could not be punished. Spankings or other humiliating ways of disciplining a regular child were out of the question when it came to the princess of the clan. So whenever I had misbehaved my father would call me and Yaga into his tent where he would be waiting with Kyozou, his servant. There, my father and I would watch Kyozou beat Yaga in my stead. **

**To this day I have a hard time describing how I felt during those moments, listening to my best friend's – my only real friend's – sobs punctuated by the sharp slaps of Kyozou's palm striking her bare skin, knowing that I was directly responsible for her suffering. **

**Yaga never blamed me, though. Afterwards, as soon as we were alone, she would burst out laughing, the tears forgotten, and she would tell me to be as bad as I wanted to be. **

_**If I were you, I'd make full use of this! Next time, we should sneak into your uncle's tent and hide all his fundoshi! **_

**But I didn't want to risk it; I hated seeing her in pain, no matter how often she assured me that Kyozou never hit her very hard and that her crying was all exaggerated playacting to satisfy my father. **

**In moments like this, when her black eyes shone with a fire I couldn't quite understand, I was able to believe the stories I had been told about her clan. **

**I must have been very little then for I remember my father holding me in his lap and whispering it in my ear as a bedtime story. **

**My grandfather, whom I had never met, had been feared and revered across the lands. From the mountains in the north to the deep forests in the south, through the desert in the west and even out on the sea to the east, his name was known. He had been an exceptional shinobi, stronger and smarter than anyone, with chakra as pure and powerful as that of the ancient beasts of legend. Under him, our clan bloomed, growing in size and strength as it prospered. Other clans began avoiding us or came looking to strike up treaties; no one dared to attack and so we lived in peace. **

**Until, one day, **_**they **_**appeared. A new clan, a small one that apparently moved around much more frequently and travelled more lightly than any other clan we had ever encountered. Why, they didn't even have tents; they slept in trees like beasts! **_**Savages**_**, my father said, his voice full of disdain but with a strange edge, and he breathed half-suffocated laughter against my skin. **

**They were not interested in trade; they didn't want a peace treaty. They wanted a fight. War for war's sake. **

**And they got one.**

**In the end we managed to defeat them, but barely. Despite their low numbers, despite their lack of development, they fought us tooth and claw, men, women **_**and**_** children. **

**The fight cost us. My grandfather himself lost all his children, two sons and one daughter, as well as their mother, his first wife, in that war. Furious in his grief, it struck him that **_**they **_**owed him. They owed him a debt that couldn't be repaid by mere death. This was how the curse seal came to be.**

_**Because of the crime her forefathers committed, Yaga and her people now belong to this clan, **_**my father said. **_**She is not a person like you or me, you must not forget that; she is a tool that you can choose to use or break at your will.**__**They all are.**_

**My father's words stuck in my throat like splintering senbon. Deep down inside I swore to myself that I would never ever live by them.**

* * *

**But as Yaga and I grew older, it became more and more difficult to ignore the differences between us. By the time she was five, Yaga had a myriad of chores to complete while I was to attend the reading and writing lessons one of my aunts held for the children of the clan. Neither Yaga nor the children like her, all the other darker-skinned boys and girls with their shiny black hair and mischievous dark eyes, were allowed to be in the big tent when those boring lessons took place. **

**Now that I think back to those nights when I complained to her about the unfairness of having to study in the stuffy tent while other children could be outside, I cringe at my own stupidity. I was young, I guess, and I didn't understand why Yaga looked at my scrolls with longing, why she asked me to explain the characters written on them in such a breathlessly hushed voice. **

* * *

**I had a hard time seeing Yaga and the other members of her clan as related. To me, Yaga was always special and there was simply no one like her. **

**But there were of course others who shared her fate. Her mother who had been my mother's servant, who'd nursed me, and who died when Yaga was seven, for example.**

**And Kyozou.**

**As a small child I was terrified of him, that giant man who silently carried out my father's every order. His eyes haunted my dreams. They seemed so cold and distant, but there was something else in them, too. Maybe what scared me most about him was the fact that he had no tongue.**

**Yaga used to tell me millions of stories about how he'd lost it, which– as I learned much later – were mostly made up. One of them was that he'd bitten it off himself and thrown it into the sea to lure in a great white shark that he'd then killed with his bare hands. I would shiver under our shared blanket, bury my face in the hollow of Yaga's throat and feel her chuckles reverberating through my narrow ribcage. All of her stories followed this basic structure; Kyozou fighting a huge wild beast – sometimes a whole herd of huge wild beasts – losing his tongue in the process but coming out on top in the end. Sometimes the animals would be able to talk, sometimes they tricked him out of his tongue and sometimes he had to sacrifice it for some kind of greater good. **

**Gradually these stories – made up or not – made me see Kyozou in a different light. I would notice the small smiles he sometimes directed at me or Yaga, or the way he treated the horses, petting their manes and sneaking them apples when he thought no one was watching. **

**One night, Yaga told me a story that strayed from the usual path. There were no beasts, no wrestling, no fistfights, no triumph. It was nothing but Kyozou, still a boy, getting in the middle of a disagreement between my father and my grandfather. It was a tale of wanton cruelty, and I instinctively knew that unlike all the other stories, this one was true. **

* * *

**I was thirteen when Kyozou died. My father and a few of his men had gone to meet with the head of a different clan who'd claimed he wanted to establish a trade agreement. The meeting was an ambush.**

**Covered in blood, my father returned alone. He withdrew to his tent and for days wouldn't speak to anyone, not even my uncles. **

* * *

**That very same year my father taught me how to use the seal.**

* * *

**At first I had to learn a combination of hand seals. That part was simple, as I was already good at making seals and controlling the flow of my chakra. **

**The combination would activate the seal, opening it. The wording alone was enough to confuse me. What did he mean by opening, I asked, would the seal vanish?**

_**Could I undo what my grandfather had done,**_** I wondered silently, knowing that voicing such a question would have dire consequences, **_**could I set my friend free of the curse that kept her from being able to use her own chakra?**_

_**No,**_** my father replied. Opening the seal would allow me to draw chakra from it.****He explained that my grandfather's powerful chakra was sealed into the bodies of those he had defeated. It had mixed with their chakra, making it even more potent, but at the same time almost impossible to mold and control properly, which was why they were unable to use it. We, however, could use it. We could draw it from their bodies and gain that incredible power for a certain amount of time, all we had to do was activate the seal.**

**I was shocked, my heart seizing up in my chest. Chakra is life-force, that had been one of the first lessons I'd ever learned.**

**What wou—**

* * *

Kakashi flipped the page over and found himself staring at a blank piece of paper. Nothing.

He sifted through the small stack he'd made, but there wasn't a single page he hadn't already read. He'd gotten to the end of what Sandaime had given him, and yet the story wasn't finished. Why would his father leave him with this incomplete text? Had the Third lost the rest? Was it perhaps still somewhere in the Hokage tower?

Kakashi doubted it. It wasn't like Sandaime to be careless with something that had been entrusted to him, and his father… Maybe this was all that had been left to him as well. It wouldn't be surprising for a few pieces of paper to be lost over the course of centuries, would it?

Either way, the story was disturbing. He'd never thought much about his clan – by the time he was born, there hadn't been much of a clan left to think about, anyway.

They'd been powerful once, that much he'd known, but that had been long before Konoha was even founded. To learn that his clan had oppressed another one to the extent described in his ancestor's account disturbed Kakashi. On some level, he wondered why the name of the clan had been erased from the record, but on another he was almost glad that he didn't know. He had enough to feel guilty about. Maybe it was a good thing that he had no way to find out how Anzanshi's story ended... He had a feeling it wouldn't have been a happy ending anyway.

As for the jutsu described in the text… Kakashi shook his head. The information was useless to him, whatever power it could have unlocked was lost with that mysterious other clan. For all he knew, they were extinct by now – Anzanshi herself might have caused their end.

It was for the better, Kakashi decided as he put the pages aside. He had done enough harm in his life. The last thing he needed was a twisted bond like the ones between Anzanshi and Yaga or Samu and Kyozou.

All it could cause was misery, Kakashi was sure of that.


	3. Chapter 3

_Seven years later._

Before, two man missions had been rare enough to stand out, but in the aftermath of the chûnin exam attack as it was called these days, Konoha did not have many shinobi to spare. Too many had been lost and even now, a year later, the Hokage couldn't afford to send a full four man squad on a mission like this. A B-rank on paper, barely. Kakashi had glanced at the mission scroll, raised an eyebrow and said nothing.

A single chûnin could have handled any delivery to the Village of Arrows. At least Kakashi would have thought so. But in this case what they were delivering made all the difference. Gold, solid gold and quite a large amount of it to boot. So it was a B officially, but here they were, two jônin, weighed down by backpacks filled with gold bars. Or Gai was, since he was carrying both his own and Kakashi's backpack.

The reason for this was, in Kakashi's words, that Gai was simply better at doing the heavy lifting. He had more stamina, more muscle mass, etc, the list could go on sheer indefinitely, he' declared. And Gai, endlessly pleased by this statement, had accepted Kakashi's load without anything more than a general complaint about the lightness of the gold compared to his usual training weights.

Therefore the mission could have been a complete walk in the park for Kakashi. However, lately there had been disturbing news from this remote part of the Fire Nation. Shinobi had gone missing in the area. A group of genin and their jônin sensei, four chûnin returning from their B-rank mission and a young jônin who'd been on leave never made it back to Konoha. Another squad had stumbled upon the corpse of one of the chûnin, but so far there hadn't been any sign of the others.

Anbu were investigating the area and while Tsunade didn't have the manpower to send a four jônin squad on a delivery mission, she didn't want to risk losing more lives by sending an undermanned team.

"You two," she'd said, "if your mission success rates are anything to go by are as good as any four member squad if not better."

Of course Gai's already big head had swollen two sizes when he heard that. Even now, two days later, he was still practically glowing with self-satisfaction.

Kakashi ignored him for the most part.

They _were_ a good team, it was true. Missions with Gai were relaxing because they'd known each other all their lives. They were used to each other.

Over the years they'd developed a routine and by now most things went without saying. Like Gai taking first watch on the first night and then alternating shifts on the following ones. Like Kakashi doing all of the hunting for food with his ninken unless they came across a stream in which case Gai would challenge him to a "who can catch the most fish with his bare hands"-contest. Anyway, they knew each other's strengths and weaknesses; Gai never questioned Kakashi's strategies and leadership skills while Kakashi knew he could rely on Gai's powerful taijutsu and fierce loyalty.

Hence missions with Gai had become conflict-free and comfortable and pleasantly boring. Or as boring as any mission could be anyway.

* * *

Now they were up in the mountains, about halfway to their destination, and Kakashi was as relaxed as a shinobi in possibly enemy-infested territory could ever be. Sitting by the fire, reassured by the solid wall of rock at his back and the clear, star-studded night sky above him, he watched Gai settle down to get some sleep. It was their second night together on this mission which meant it was Kakashi's turn to take first watch.

Gai stretched out on the ground. On his side, head cushioned on his bent arm because their hard, angular backpacks made for terrible pillows, he lay, breathing evenly and tracking the flames with his eyes.

They didn't talk. The silence between them didn't need to be filled. Kakashi was grateful for it and he knew Gai knew he was. He hated getting roped into awkward conversations, especially the kind of small talk people tended to strike up for its own sake, just to say something when saying nothing would have been the preferable option. The only thing worse than that were the ʻmeaningfulʼ conversations that certain people had lately tried to have with him. Like Asuma asking him about advice regarding his relationship with Kurenai. He'd hemmed and hawed for a while and then suddenly burst out with, _Do you think I should propose to her?_

_What are you asking me for? _

_You're my friend. Her friend, too._

Kakashi didn't know that he would have put it that way. They _were_ friends, sure, but he saw them as comrades forged by war, not really the kind of friends who talked about their feelings. He'd shrugged, feeling somewhat resentful about the unease the question triggered in him. Like an innocent bystander who'd been roped into an accident, all he wanted was to find the fastest way to get out of the situation.

_Well, you know what they say, why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free…_

If nothing else, that line had certainly put an end to the conversation.

* * *

As Kakashi watched Gai's eyes slide shut, he tried to get comfortable for the night. The rocks behind him were rough against his back, poking him through his jônin vest. A cold breeze stirred his hair. He was just uncomfortable enough to keep himself from falling asleep.

Gai on the other hand looked like he was sleeping already. His eyes were closed, his breathing even and relaxed. Shadows cast by the flickering fire were dancing across his face, creating what was merely an illusion of movement.

Kakashi watched him intently. Ever since they'd left Konoha on their mission, he'd had the feeling that Gai wasn't just focused on completing their delivery. No, knowing Gai, he was probably also hoping to solve the mystery of the missing Konoha shinobi. Tsunade had told them that she had an anbu squad investigating the area and while Kakashi wouldn't hesitate to lend them their support if it was needed, he really wasn't keen on getting involved in an anbu mission.

Gai though…

Gai loved to play the hero.

Kakashi sighed. They'd probably be fine, he told himself, whatever was going on, the anbu could handle it. All Gai and he would have to do was complete their simple B-rank and then go home. No problem, right?

Right.

He'd barely even finished the thought when a scream ripped through the night.

* * *

Distorted by fear, pain and despair, the voice reminded Kakashi of the squeal of a pig being slaughtered. He couldn't tell if it was a man's or a woman's voice at all.

He was on his feet anyway, and so was Gai, just as fast, the two of them staring into the dark night.

"North-East," Gai said.

Kakashi nodded. His eye never leaving the horizon, he kicked dirt over the fire and bit his thumb. "Take point."

"Hah!"

"_Gai."_

He was at the edge of the cliff, ready to leap into the darkness, towards whatever was waiting there for him when Kakashi said his name. Gai looked at him over his shoulder, muscles already tensing for the jump. Their eyes met. It was their thing. No secret handshake or even as much as a fleeting touch. Kakashi didn't believe in big displays – or small displays – of… anything really. But he did insist on this moment. More than to convey unspoken words, it served as an exchange of a sort. Kakashi took in the fire in Gai's eyes, excitement mixed with determination, and felt an answering spark alight in his chest while Gai saw the apprehension in Kakashi's face, his grim desire to protect his comrades. It did more to remind Gai of the danger they were facing than any cheesy line could have and it gave Kakashi that shot of confidence and reassurance and hunger for action that he knew he could only get from Gai.

Gai's jaw set. He nodded curtly and off he went, leaping into the darkness, the outline of his body blending into the night sky and vanishing in the distance.

Kakashi didn't waste any time either. He summoned his ninken, told Pakkun to come with him and the other seven to guard the backpacks and then followed Gai into the unknown.

* * *

The plan was for Gai to go in a straight line towards where the scream had come from while Kakashi went in a half circle to approach the area from the other side. Gai would be there first, drawing everyone's attention, making them vulnerable to Kakashi's attack.

That plan changed when the night was lit up by the electric blue light of the seventh gate.

* * *

"Well, shit." Pakkun, who was clinging to his shoulder as Kakashi ran, spoke right into his ear and Kakashi couldn't have agreed more with the sentiment.

"I smell blood. A lot of it," the pug added as if Kakashi himself couldn't smell it too, sweet and metallic. The smell was so thick it felt like it was coating his tongue.

"Hn."

"We're getting closer." Pakkun chimed up after another few seconds of breathless running. Kakashi pushed up his hitai ate. Even without the Sharingan he could see Gai flitting around in the distance like an errant shooting star.

"Hn," he grunted again.

"Boss? If you can go any faster, now would be the time."

"Hn." Running at top speed, Kakashi grit his teeth. His thighs ached; his chest was starting to feel tight, but he tried to push even harder. Gai was zipping around like a bright blue firefly; they were getting closer, but it was still not enough.

His heart pounding with dread, Kakashi squeezed his right eye closed and focused his Sharingan. He needed to see who Gai was fighting. He had to be able to make out their chakra pattern somehow, pin down their location and strike at the right moment. He _had_ to.

He felt a strange pressure inside his head as if his skull was shrinking, the bone pushing down on his brain, squeezing his eyeballs. The weight of an entire ocean seemed to press down on him. His ears popped. His vision blurred, then blackened. He blinked and blinked, frantically, his eyes dry and itchy, but when vision returned it only did so in one eye, _his_ eye.

"Something wrong?" Pakkun asked.

"I can't use the Sharingan." His voice was so matter of fact, it surprised even Kakashi himself. Despite the cold shiver running down his spine, he'd managed to sound as if he was merely dealing with a minor nuisance.

But this meant he couldn't see Gai's opponents; it had to be a deliberate act, caused by the enemy. How, though? A jutsu? When? He hadn't felt any other chakra than Gai's, the raging blue flame of the seventh gate.

His head hurt, his body felt sluggish and heavy as if he had just awakened from a long sleep. His senses were dulled; he was out of breath and not just from running. They were doing this to him. Which meant they knew he was coming.

"Boss? There's something… weird—I don't think I can-" Pakkun's voice seemed to be coming from a faraway place.

"Pakkun?

"Damn—" As if a small explosion had gone off, a plume of smoke suddenly expanded where Pakkun had been.

Kakashi gasped, breathing it in. He stumbled, choking.

"Oi!" he called although he already knew Pakkun was gone.

His knees gave and he doubled over onto the hard, rocky ground. With great effort, Kakashi managed to raise his head. He trained his eye on the blue glow lighting up the horizon. It seemed to hover in place, unmoving like a distant sun. He watched it flicker and dim.

_Gai…_

"Look out!" Kakashi was grasped, one arm scooping him up, the sudden onslaught of blue blinding him. He was breathing in chakra, suspended in the air for a second and then slammed down on the ground.

He could barely get enough air into his burning lungs. His bones were ringing with pain. However, kneeling over him was Gai, his spandex tattered, hanging off him in dirty strips, but alive under the blood and grime. The relief he felt was so intense, it brought tears to his eyes. Shocked by his own over the top reaction – had he really been this worried? – Kakashi lay motionless on the ground.

"Kakashi!" Gai was staring at him, his white eyes wide. His face contorted into a weird expression Kakashi couldn't read. Like a snake Gai's chakra seemed to coil around them.

His gaze was drawn downwards, to a spot of skin on Gai's bare chest. The blue glow of chakra was brighter there, as if Gai's body was merely a shell, containing nothing but pure energy, that had cracked open in that one spot over his heart. It was a small spot, no more than a few centimeters in diameter. Kakashi's eye was glued to it. It wasn't just a spot, the shape was painfully familiar. Looking at it, he felt memory slice at him like a blade.

The symbol of the Hatake clan.

"What…" Without thinking, Kakashi reached out. When his fingers brushed the glowing symbol it was like he was suddenly holding a million Chidori in the palm of his hand. Energy shot up his arm and filled his body with hot, tingling sensation. Lightning was singing in his veins.

Then the world went completely white.


	4. Chapter 4

Kakashi's eyes snapped open. The left side of his field of vision exploded into glaring blue, blinding him before he could take in his surroundings. Groaning, he rolled onto his side and pulled his hitai ate down to cover the over-stimulated Sharingan. Blood was pounding in his temples.

Still he could feel the energy running through his veins, his body humming with power. Chakra.

It wasn't his own and it wasn't Gai's, but it felt familiar, like it belonged to him somehow, tendrils of it creeping down his arms, his legs, fingertips to toes, hot and tantalizing.

He bit back another groan and tried to blink the dust out of his eye. His vision returned blurry. Vague grey shapes that slowly turned into rocks, into the barren landscape between Konoha and the Village of Arrows.

His breath was burning in his lungs as if the air around him was on fire. He swallowed against the dry lump in his throat and wiped at his eye. One blurry shape was gradually morphing into a more familiar form, a brownish-green figure laying on the ground an arm length away from Kakashi.

"Gai!" The word scraped his tongue like a mouthful of gravel.

When there was no reaction from the other man, Kakashi began to drag himself closer. He hurt, but with every centimeter across rocky ground, the pain was gradually replaced by something else. His body grew warmer.

"Gai!"

Gai was on his back, almost completely still. He was breathing, though, his chest rising and falling in an alarmingly quick rhythm. Kakashi knelt over him, relieved that his friend was still alive, but at the same time a familiar sense of frantic helplessness set in.

He was no medic; all he could do was go through the standard first aid routine that was drilled into every shinobi from their first day at the academy.

There were no injuries that he could see apart from small scratches and cuts, nothing that should have caused Gai to lose consciousness. Knowing the effects of the seventh gate, however, Kakashi was sure that Gai's body was damaged in ways that the average eye couldn't see.

Fractures, torn muscles, ruptured organs, internal bleeding…

Kakashi realized that all this time he'd been staring at the glowing blue mark on Gai's chest. He hadn't even noticed—Looking at it felt as if something soft brushed against the back of his eye.

_This thing…_

How could it just appear out of thin air like that? He'd known Gai for years – all their lives, really – and he'd never seen it before this night. Kakashi swallowed thickly. His throat felt tight again. Heat was swirling in his belly. He reached for Gai, planning to feel his pulse, but when his fingertips brushed the soft skin beneath Gai's jaw, a jolt of pure power shot through Kakashi's body.

Gasping, he withdrew as if he'd been stung. What he felt, however, wasn't pain. It was liquid heat slowly uncoiling behind his navel, reaching lower.

His breath rasped harshly in his lungs; blood pounded in his ears. He shook his head to clear his mind, but he couldn't fight off whatever was clouding it. His senses were flooded with Gai. Gai's earthy scent, the memory of his skin against Kakashi's fingertips, the sight of him—

_What the hell?_

Kakashi tore his gaze off the symbol. It wasn't Gai; it was the strange chakra, it had to be.

The chakra was rolling off Gai in waves and it rippled through Kakashi, somehow linking him to Gai, drawing him to the unconscious man. Seemingly moving of its own accord, Kakashi's hand reached out again. He stopped himself before he cupped Gai's cheek, his hand hovering millimeters from Gai's skin. He wanted to touch Gai, no, he _ached_ to touch Gai. His heartbeat quickened at the mere thought of brushing his thumb over Gai's lips, running his hands over his body.

It was _wrong._

Kakashi squeezed his eye shut. Sweat was beading on his forehead; he could feel it as it was soaked up by his headband. The heat building in his abdomen was spreading through his whole body, pulsing in his ears in time with his heartbeat. No matter how hard he tried, he couldn't will his erection to subside.

When he opened his eye, he saw a young woman lying on the ground in front of him. She was tall, muscular, like Gai's, her body was unmistakably that of a warrior. Her short hair was as black as the night, bangs falling messily into her face. The jacket of her dirty jimbei had had its sleeves torn off, revealing bandaged arms.

_Yaga. _

Out of nowhere her name was thrust into his brain. He recognized her; he'd _missed _her all his life. Except that that was impossible, of course, since he'd never seen her before as she had to have been dead long before he was even born. And yet…

He felt like he'd longed for her from the moment he was born.

"Yaga…" He blinked and the image of her faded, instead he saw Gai again. Gai, whose eyelids twitched, then fluttered.

His breath caught in his throat, Kakashi watched Gai open his eyes.

It was a slow process. Gai, a man Kakashi had seen lift giant boulders with ease, was struggling with the weight of his paper thin eyelids, his face scrunching up with effort as they trembled.

Kakashi heard him groan softly, but he dared not touch his friend. Although it took everything to hold himself back, although he wanted nothing more than to pull Gai close, he had a feeling that if he came into physical contact with Gai now, he would lose what little control he had left.

His pupils dark and wide, Gai stared up at Kakashi.

"You…," he mumbled and Kakashi wondered who he was seeing. At the same time, a wave of relief and love washed over him, triggered by Gai's voice.

Kakashi drew a shaky breath. He felt like he was losing his mind. It wasn't him, though; he wasn't really feeling these things for Gai, was he?

_It's the mark. And it's _them_. But how—_

Before he could finish the thought, he felt another wave of power accompanied by intense pleasure rush through his body. Gai's hand had closed around his wrist, his grip loose and weak, but the mere skin on skin contact was enough to make Kakashi dizzy.

It was too much. He couldn't hold back anymore.

Kakashi tore off his mask and pressed his lips to Gai's.

The moment stretched into eternity.

Gai's surprisingly soft lips, his arms wrapping themselves around Kakashi to hold him in a viselike embrace, the surge of pure power rippling through Kakashi's entire being, setting body and mind on fire.

Instinctively he squeezed his eye shut and saw stars, then on the dark canvas inside his eyelid images rose in quick, stuttering sequence.

_A child in a tattered kimono running across a field – her laughing face, gap-toothed – the same girl as a young teen scowling – her, hanging upside down, legs locked around a tree branch, sticking out her tongue – older now, but still the same woman, smiling – cloth sliding off her naked back – her wide dark eyes brimming with tears – blood dripping from her hands – her face distorted by pain and hatred – _

Then nothing.


	5. Chapter 5

_This place again…_

By now the ceiling of Konoha's hospital rooms was as familiar to Kakashi as the one in his own bedroom. He recognized the large grey tiles the very moment he opened his eye.

Kakashi swallowed a groan and turned his head to look around. Unsurprisingly, he found himself in bed, dressed in a light blue hospital gown. From what he could tell, his limbs were all there and intact. He felt no pain, which was surprising. Even the fuzzy, removed feeling he associated with a heavy dose of painkillers was suspiciously absent.

The room was filled with a steady beeping noise, a heart monitor, but when Kakashi checked his finger, he realized that he wasn't hooked up to one. Confused, he turned his head to the other side. There was another bed, presumably with another patient.

As a high-ranking jounin, Kakashi was used to getting a single room, so he was a little surprised. Plus, the other person was almost completely hidden from view by machines and IV stands, which made him think that they should probably be in ICU whereas he was feeling fine.

To test his theory of just how fine he was, Kakashi lifted his head. When he felt no discomfort, he pushed himself up into a sitting position and when that had no effect on him, he turned and carefully swung his feet out of bed. No dizziness, no pain. He _was_ fine.

He set his bare feet onto the cold floor and, bracing himself on the bed, pushed himself up. Still nothing. Standing up was no problem.

His first steps were experimental, careful, but after he'd taken them and nothing bad happened, Kakashi walked over to the foot of the other bed.

It wasn't like he hadn't had a suspicion, like it hadn't been obvious on some level, but Kakashi still almost flinched when he saw who was laying there.

Under the hospital lights Gai looked pale and fragile, his skin seemed to have been drained of all color; it had the unhealthy sheen of cold sweat. Dark circles were under Gai's eyes and his lips were cracked and bloodless. Although Kakashi wasn't a doctor, he had seen enough shinobi suffering from chakra depletion – not to mention the fact that he'd suffered from it himself countless times – to recognize it when he saw it.

Gai looked like a man whose chakra reserves had been drained almost completely. Kakashi had never seen him like this before. Gai was a taijutsu user; in a normal fight he barely used chakra. Even when he opened the gates, his body usually gave out long before running out of chakra became an issue.

_I did this to him._

The thought lodged itself in his brain. Instantly he knew it to be true. All this time…

He'd hoped it might have been just a fever dream – it certainly had felt like one – but now under the glaring cold lights in their stark hospital room, Kakashi had to accept the reality of what had happened.

But how _could _it be true?

Without thinking about it, Kakashi had moved closer to Gai and was now standing by his friend's bedside.

It had been years since he'd last touched his father's gift to him. Hatake Anzanshi's notes were stuffed in a box in a corner of his closet. He'd read them a few times, but in the end he'd always come to the same conclusion, that they bore no relevance to his life, that the unnamed clan had probably died out centuries ago and that even if it hadn't, he had no interest in finding them and making sense of the story of his long dead ancestor. Whatever regrets she'd had, they'd died with her. Kakashi already had enough of his own to last him a lifetime.

And now this…

He reached out, bracing himself for whatever reaction he'd have to touching Gai's skin this time. The memory of the power that had ripped through his body and scrambled his mind sent a tingle down his spine. He bit his lip, pushing away those thoughts, the strange recollection he had of kissing his friend on the mouth. That couldn't have happened.

Carefully Kakashi pushed down the blanket that had been drawn up to Gai's chest. Maybe he could get a glimpse without having to come into contact with Gai's skin. Using his index finger and his thumb, Kakashi lifted the edge of the hospital gown over Gai's collar bone and peeked underneath.

It was still there. The Symbol of his clan. Kakashi could see its outline, a dark spot over Gai's heart. It wasn't glowing – probably due to the state Gai was in – but it _was _there.

But why? How could it just suddenly appear after decades? Except… What if it hadn't suddenly appeared at all? What if it had been there the whole time and he just hadn't been able to see it? Gai was a jounin after all, even though his chakra control was notoriously bad – and wouldn't that make a whole lot more sense in light of what Kakashi could remember from his ancestor's explanation in her notes? – Anyway, Gai was definitely able to pull off a simple henge to cover the mark –

"Hatake-san? What are you doing?"

Dropping the edge of the gown as if burnt, Kakashi whipped around to see a female medic standing in the open doorway to his and Gai's room. He'd been so caught up in his thoughts that he hadn't sensed her approach at all.

_And you call yourself a jounin,_ he thought bitterly, feeling like he had been caught with his pants around his ankles – which, considering the revealing nature of the thin hospital gown he was wearing, he kind of had.

The woman gave him a cool look. "Was there a problem," she asked, raising her eyebrow. In few quick steps she was at Gai's bedside. Kakashi watched her adjust the IVs.

"Maito-san's vitals seem to be stable. Look, if something's wrong, just push the call button. Don't go playing around with anything here. You could endanger your friend's life."

Playing around? Who did she think he was? Some little brat? Well, she was probably old enough to be his mother…

"Of course, I'm sorry." Fully aware of the effect his bare face had on women, Kakashi directed his most charming smile at the medic.

A twitch of her eyebrow, then her expression settled into one of vague annoyance. "I'll go get Tsunade-sama. In the meantime, please return to your bed, Hatake-san. I wouldn't want to have to restrain you." She left as swiftly as she had come, the door barely making a sound as it slid shut behind her, leaving Kakashi to wonder what he'd done to offend her and – more importantly – what he was going to tell the Hokage when she arrived.

She probably had a million questions regarding Gai's condition and while he couldn't blame her, he wasn't sure he had satisfying answers. Also, he really didn't want to go into details about what he'd felt – and done – before he'd passed out. It was disturbing, not to mention embarrassing.

_Did I really kiss him?_

Part of Kakashi still hoped he'd hallucinated the whole thing.

There was one way to find out right now though. All he had to do was touch Gai.

_Curiosity killed the cat,_ thought Kakashi, yet here he was, standing by Gai's bed and making no move to return to his own He hesitated, his stomach twisted into knots. What if he really was to blame for Gai's condition?

Kakashi hadn't put much faith in his ancestor's notes when he read them, however, considering what she'd written about the chakra seal…

If the ancient chakra of the Hatake clan was truly sealed into Gai, did that mean that Kakashi could access this chakra and draw it out of him? Then wouldn't Kakashi's touch hurt Gai? Would he suck what little energy Gai had left out of him and kill him? Kakashi swallowed. Could he risk it?

But what was the alternative? Living the rest of his life without touching Gai?

Well, it wouldn't be impossible. No more sparring, no more friendly slaps on the back, no more spontaneous hugs.

It was usually Gai who touched him, rarely the other way around. Physical contact wasn't as important to Kakashi as it was to Gai. He wasn't scared of it or went out of his way to avoid it, but as any other shinobi he was careful when it came to letting people close enough to touch.

Never touching Gai. He could live with it, he decided. It was a small price to pay to keep his friend safe. But he didn't know if he really had to make this sacrifice. And he wouldn't know until he tried. Kakashi drew in a sharp breath. They were at the hospital, he told himself. Tsunade-sama, one of the most powerful medical ninja in the world, was on her way. Maybe this was as safe as it got.

He looked at Gai's face. It was relaxed, expressionless. No doubt, no pain, no fear. The peaceful neutrality of the unconscious.

If he was awake, Kakashi thought, Gai would definitely tell him to go ahead and find out. He would not let fear hold him back. But then you could also say that he had very little concern for his own well-being. Kakashi, though, didn't have time to weigh all aspects of the problem and Gai was out cold, so it was impossible to ask him for consent.

_Here goes nothing,_ Kakashi thought and brushed his finger across the back of Gai's hand. The touch was fleeting; it barely lasted one second. Kakashi kept an eye on Gai's heart monitor. To his relief there was no change; Gai's heart kept beating steadily, neither quickening nor slowing its rhythm.

Kakashi had braced himself for whatever effect touching Gai would have on them. He'd expected another uncontrollable surge of power and feared Gai would go into cardiac arrest, but all he'd felt was a warm tingle, no visions of that girl had clouded his mind, no unbearable heat flooded his body.

And Gai's face remained completely still. He didn't seem to have gotten worse, but he also showed no signs of waking up.

Touching him had felt good, though, even that blink of an eye skin-on skin contact had felt like coming home somehow. The thought made Kakashi shudder, but at the same time he was struggling to control the urge to touch Gai again. It was only the sound of footsteps coming down the hallway that stopped his hand from reaching out a second time.

Tearing himself away from Gai to quickly slip into his own bed took a surprising amount of effort. No matter how strong his strange desire to stay by Gai's side was, though, Kakashi still knew better than to risk drawing the Hokage's ire.

So, when the door was opened, and the legendary Tsunade herself stepped into the room, Kakashi lay tucked into bed like a good patient.


End file.
